Bold text: There’s no good acting, only good casting.
Image of photocopied form with a shadow underneath. Central Casting Inc, Connecting talent since 1992. INFO@CENTRALCASTING.COM, TEL. (590) 318-4110
COMMERCIAL CASTING/BOOKING INFO FORM
Please fill in all information
(These form responses are typed:)
Ad agency: Blue Sky Days
Product: ZAP Energy Bar
Dir.: Marion Hastings
Prod. House: Murphy Entmnt.
Casting date: 08/04/08
(These form responses are handwritten crudely in blue ink. All of them are large enough to spill outside the margins of the form boxes and are shakily but legibly written.)
Performer name: The Sphynx
Agent: No (Self-represented)
Agent phone: ---
Competitive products on air: ---
(conflict categories: Protein/energy bars)
Union member (checkbox): N
Shoot date: 08/12/08
Available for shoot date (checkbox): Y
Office use only
Union prod. (checkbox): Y
(Headshot photograph of the Sphynx attached, directly facing the camera, smiling. Photocopied image of paperclip on the upper right corner of the picture. The tops of her wings are visible behind her head.)
(The same handwriting in blue ink appears in these form responses.)
Height: 10’6” Weight: 1790
Hair: black Eyes: brown
Sizes: Adult  Child 
Male  Female [V]
Shirt: --- Pants: ---
Jacket/dress: --- Shoes: ---
Rec. CH 
Short L 
Performer signature: The Sphynx
Date: Aug. 4/08
(Outside of building, Central Casting, “Parking at Rear” sign in front.)
Okay Annika, who’s next? Let’s keep this moving.
(Yellow-shirt woman standing, Red-shirt woman and blue-shirt man sitting at a table.)
Yellow-shirt woman: It’s, uh, this one.
Red-shirt woman: Alright.
Red-shirt woman: Wait, what is this? I thought we were only seeing blondes for this role, Annika? And what is this handwriting? Is this a joke??
Yellow-shirt woman: No, it’s, um…
(CRASH as Sphynx enters stage left through the wall. Exclamation points above Red-shirt woman and Blue-shirt man’s heads. Movie poster on the wall: “Gandhi 2” / “He’s ba-ack…”)
Sphynx: Hi, how are you guys today? I’m really sorry about the form. I have to hold the pen with my teeth, so my writing’s kind of, uh, out there.
Red-shirt woman: Good… afternoon.
Red-shirt woman: You’re… here to audition for the energy bar commercial..?
(Movie poster on the wall: “The Sin of Sequels” / “8ight”.)
Sphynx: Oh- I know the script breakdown called for a blonde actress, but I talked to the receptionist and she said it would be fine if I auditioned anyway so I’m here and I’m totally ready to go! I hope that’s okay...
(Cue cards on a stand: “Zap” - Pg. 3 / Steve: Well, if that’s true then I’m gonna buy some for the whole office!)
Blue-shirt man: Yeah, perfect! You know what, you’ve got the part.
Red-shirt woman: Yes, go clear out the waiting room, Annika. We’re casting this one here.
(Sphynx looks surprised, eyes wide.)
Sphynx: I’ve GOT the PART?! Really? Don’t you want to at least run through the scene?
Off-panel: No, not necessary. You’re the one.
Sphynx: Oh, wow! My very first audition and I land the part - not bad!
(Red-shirt woman is speaking, Blue-shirt man has a small smile.)
Red-shirt woman: Well, it’s all about the actor’s “look”. 90% of the time we know who we’re gonna cast in a role the second they walk through the door. I’ll be kicking him under the table, whispering “That’s the one!” You just know when you’ve got the right person.
Off-panel: Well, thank you very much, I’m thrilled!
(Sphynx and Red-shirt woman look at a piece of paper together.)
Sphynx: Could I just ask you about the script though? I don’t want to be out of line here, but could I maybe suggest a couple of things?
Red-shirt woman: Oh, yes, absolutely. The shooting script is just a loose guideline, really. I always like to hear what the actors have to say about it. In the end, this is a collaborative process. A creative interplay.
Sphynx: Great! ‘Cause, I mean, this dialogue is kind of subjective, don’t you think? I don’t know if you noticed. You don’t want to give people a false impression of your product.
Red-shirt woman: Right.
Sphynx: Y’know, like that “Monster.com.” Boy, did I have words with THEM…
Three months later…
(TV screen with black background. Man in a white robe, bullet bandolier on his chest, holding a machine gun in one hand and a rocket launcher in the other, red 2 to his left.)
(Electric-blue text box, jagged line): The network premiere of “Gandhi 2” will return after these messages…
(TV showing man in a tie, looking up at something off-panel, scared. Shadow covering him and the door behind him, marked “Office”.)
Man (electric-blue text box, jagged line): G-Good morning, D-Diane! Is that the new ZAP P-Protein Bar you’ve got there? H-How is it?!
(TV showing Sphynx hair in ponytail, unwrapped energy bar with a bite taken out in front. Only the Sphynx’s head and neck are visible.)
Sphynx (electric-blue text box, jagged line): It’s alright, I guess. Tastes kind of dry, to be honest. Plus I did some research and it pretty much has the same nutritional content as your average chocolate bar, so I probably should have just spent my three dollars on a few of those instead. It’s actually kind of a ripoff when you think about it.
(TV showing the man, with a wide forced smile.)
Man (electric-blue text box, jagged line): O-Okay! I’ll tell my friends not to buy it!
(TV with “ZAP Protein Snack” bar in the middle, on a red background. The hole in the capital-A is a lightning bolt.)
The new ZAP energy bar
Don’t buy it - it’s a ripoff!!